it's not over.

wow. i have not posted in ages, literally. my life has completely changed since November 11th. i'm a completely different person. November 7th seems like ages ago. That was "our date." he completely changed my life. if i were to tell him one thing, i'd say i loved him with all my heart. i miss him. i genuinly miss him.

it's amazing what a couple of months could do. i never thought i'd be where i am today. i lost a lot of who i am. and gained someone, i'm not sure i want to be. somedays i like her, somedays i don't. i just need to learn. it's like i have to relearn every lesson i was ever taught. i guess that's what happens when you loose yourself and who you are. i'm reviving my soul.

Jesus has been holding me close. I was just fighting to hard. I need to learn to control my stubbornness and learn to let love in. "I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like your sad, your smile is gone, I noticed it bad. The cure is if you let in just a little more love, I promise you this, a little's enough." he promised me it's enough, so i'm gonna have to trust him. i need to let people love me.

i'm happy because i'm alive. He helped me realize many things about myself. how weak and vulnerable i am. i need to be careful with my heart and not give it away so easily. i don't regret giving him my heart though. for some reason i don't regret any of the things he and i shared. i love him. i'm sorry for those things, but i don't regret them. i'm happy they happened. they were meant to happen. i love him for the things he showed me, the things he shared. he taught me a lot about what i know now. i love him for it. i love him. he's my best friend, but also, my temptation.

i miss love scars hehe :]] since i haven't posted in awhile, comment me? ily<3

Currently Listening Echoes: The Best of Pink Floyd By Pink Floyd learning to fly see related

im alive.

i can make it, i can do it. all i need is God. nothing else. i don't need a boy to feel beautiful, i don't need anything.

today im happy :) i should always be happy...shouldnt i? im just Blessed to be alive. alive, healthy, loved, and happy. to me i have everything. i have the world in my hands. my life is brilliant.

i am! im learning to fly! im going to reach out, im going to exceed my grasp (thank you Mr. Lucero) i am going to change things. ill make a difference. i have faith. i have hope. "everything's gunna be alright baby girl."

ayshen: you have given me hope. youre my angel. i love you so much. you have no idea! youre my sister that connects with me in the cyber world, and then connects me to my world. my world with God. well done, you are His servant. youre incredible.

all things must end

:( byebye jason. i love you.

Currently Listening Come With Me By Special D come with me :) see related

i feel so far from where i've been.

dreams last for so long, even after you're gone.

sorry i havent posted in an age and a half. and sorry about the pesimistic streak. i was totally down. sorry guys.

so today i am doing absolutely nothing! yey thank God. i needed a break from everything just some me time i guess. i know thats selfish but i really do.

so i saw Saw III last night. it was awesume! way more gory and freaky than the other two. and a bit confusing but it was so good! stupid jeff what an idiot! using a saw psh... but seriously the scenarios they put people in were so insane. parts of it was so confusing. man i used to love amanda and now its like...what a witch! but mayan i LOVE those movies with a passion.

i feel like going shopping. i need some colored clothes because i ALWAYS wear black and im not like sad or angry or anything lol. i need some BRIGHT colors. because im happy!

to everybody who posted nice comments...thanks so much :)

nothing's changing...

this week sucks.